Some of you civilians know the reality of what it looks like inside the life-of-a-teacher. Some don't. For those of you who are curious, we have your back. Before we get started it's important for you to first know that us teachers, we have one rule for our parents: don't judge us for what comes home about us, and we won't judge you for what comes to school about you.
Experience the brutual honesty of preschool teachers as we recall the moments we miss the most about our students while stuck in coronavirus-quarantine.
Whatever you do just keep scrolling, your lock-in needs this.
That moment when... your student tells you that your butt is in fact juicy but at least you don’t have a tiny pumpkin butt like uncle bob.
That moment when... your student tells you he would be happy to wash his hands, if I would “just leave already”.
That moment when... a preschooler lets you know loudly he's 'going to piss his pants'.
That moment when... when a child sprints out of the bathroom screaming about his blue penis, which he apparently colored some time during school hours... Great.
That moment when... a child asks Alexa to set a timer for nap time, because her teacher [me] was 'getting an attitude'.
That moment when... a child asked if there was dairy in his party-food and you respond, “Don't worry, there is nothing, I know this allergy-stuff by now”. To which the child responds, “Yeah but you forget things alot and this stuff is serious, shouldn’t you write it down?”
That moment when... one student was crying and another student asked if it was because they missed their mom; when the first student answered “yes” the other said “yeah, well, you know she left you”.
That moment when... I had to ask several times for a student not to put their ham in my hair.
That moment when... a student wouldn't sit down at the table during lunch. Instead, they shouted, “DON’T YOU KNOW I’M POOPING, I’LL GO FINISH OVER THERE” *proceeds to grab some sandwich then walks to corner to poop*
That moment when... a student said 'Annabelle' comes into her crib at night to take off her nail polish. Not creepy, not creepy at all.
That moment when... a student said she saw a girl get run over by a car on Fox News. When her teachers told her she probably shouldn't watch Fox News anymore she said “Okay cool, I’ll stick to Frozen”.
That moment when... a student said she was having a bad day because she’s always constipated.
That moment when... one of your kids stands up and drops their pants mid story time to show you they, in fact, do not have a tail.
That moment when... a student is caught picking their nose and eating it. Another students agrees with you that it is gross but adds, "Yeah, so, you only do that when you're by yourself and no one is watching."
That moment when... a student tells his school friends that his dad has a very "fat penis". We [teachers] gasp in shock which leads the child to believe he needs to explain himself. Child responds that he wasn't correct the first time: “Not 'fat', my dad has a very tall penis”.
That moment when... you come into school with a pretty significant hair cut and a child greets you with, "Did you cut your hair...? Well, can you put it back...?”
That moment when... you go to help a little girl wipe her bottom and you show your shocked reaction at the sheer magnitude and size of it, the child responds with “Yeah, I thought you might like that one”.
That moment when... a child asks you what’s that on your nose and you say probably a zit. They disagree, "Nope, I think it’s a wart”.
That moment when... a student asks to go sit on the potty while you change another student's diaper. When you finish changing the child and turn around, you see him squatting in the corner pooping on the floor. Not the toilet. Awesome.
That moment when... you greet a child, fully energized to see them and all they have to say is: “Your hair is crazy”.
That moment when... one student [girl] is being left out of a group of boy students, responding “Is this all because I don’t have a penis?”
That moment when... you take off your fake lashes and a student greets you with, "You're kind of ugly but kind of pretty".
That moment when... you come into school with makeup on and a student tells you, “ You look like my teacher but with a mask on”.
That moment when... I told a student not to waste water because "you want the little fish to have somewhere to swim, right?” Child responds, “well, my mom said it goes into a sewer waste plant and gets recycled”. Cool, okay whatever.
That moment when... you ask the class "What do you grow in your garden?!" and a student announces that their family "grows all the weed”.
That moment when... a student comes up to you on the playground to announce that 'somehow' his underwear came off and landed over the fence. *child is still wearing pants* *child indeed has underwear over the fence*
That moment when... a student [girl] admitted that she wanted to race another child [boy] in going to the bathroom but couldn't because, “Penises are faster than vaginas. Right, teacher?”...Right honey, right.
The moment when... a student wakes up from nap time crying with chunks of something in her pants. Praying it’s not poop, you investigate. She starts pulling out puzzle pieces by the handful. You ask her why she’s crying, she says it’s because there are puzzle pieces in her pants. You ask her how they got there, she said she put them there... Logical.
That moment when... a student announces that the wall in the bathroom tastes a little like fish. When you asked why they thought that, they admitted, “because I licked it".
That moment when... after rushing around like crazy I began to tell my co-teacher, "If only I ever get a chance to actually sit and get out an actual lunch with them at the table...." A student casually comments under their breath to the rest of the class, “[my teacher] thinks she is in a restaurant.”
That moment when... a student [weather helper] is looking out the window to figure out what to report to the class for the day and begins summarizing that “it’s really f****** wet..., so f****** wet”.
That moment when... you grab a student-volunteer to help you clean the tables before lunch and after they realize that they missed a spot they mumble a confident, “...shit.”
That moment when... a student keeps telling the class that his brother is getting his "testicles" out.
Tonsils, honey, ...tonsils.
That moment when... a student begins to wash her hands and another child shouts at his teacher from the bathroom- “[Teacher] can you get in here and wash the coronavirus off of her? She’s not doing this right.”